Friday, November 25, 2011

when you...i feel...because...

{re-used picture but it's so stinkin' cute!}


my parents divorced when i was in the first grade.  i was forced to go to counseling off and on my childhood years.  i say forced because what kid willingly wants to see a shrink? 

now that i'm grown and reflect i realize how lucky i was.  i was taught how to handle issues, how to communicate, voice my opinions, my hurt and to just "get it all out."  there seems to always be issues that arise due to divorce...well into adulthood i might add. 

one of the hopes we have for our kids is for them to become well adjusted, independent adults who know how to communicate even when it's hard.  i don't know about you but i am not a fan of confrontation!

i want our kids to be best friends with each other.  even more so since i was an only child for so long.  i often wondered what it would be like to have siblings.

and i've learned over the years how offenses that haven't been dealt with properly can turn into bitterness...even the tiniest offense when stacked with others can be dangerous.  when you have someone in your life that keeps hurting you, taking advantage or making you feel poorly then bad, bad things happen to that relationship.

so...when the kids come to me and say, "they aren't sharing.  he isn't being nice.  she laughed at me" or whatever it is on their minds then i jump at the chance to teach them how to communicate.

after a little reminder on how to express their feelings something like this can be heard: 

offended sibling: with head down shyly: "when you won't share with me it makes me feel sad because i want to have fun too."

other sibling: "oh...i'm sorry...i guess i was being stingy."

{insert: big hug and a giggle}

offended sibling then smiles and the light returns to their eyes.  all they really wanted was to feel validated and to have their hurt known.  they are so easy and quick to forgive.

the kids have been known to come to me and say the "when you...i feel...because." 

we have used this in the past to help guide us biblically in teaching the kids how to handle issues. and "making brothers and sisters best friends" is a great book too!

and that's it in a nut shell...i can't wait to see the kids come together for the holidays once they are married with their own kids...since they will be best friends and all! ;)

7 comments:

  1. I think this is something so important to teach our children. Lord willing, I pray our future family gatherings are filled with a generation of grace-givers.

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  2. I am positive they will be best friends. I was raised by a Mother who was an only child and a Father who had four siblings. My Mom never understood why we fought and everything my Dad knew well. We all get a long great now and are always there for each other.
    You are doing a great job and they are going to be great parents someday also. B

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  3. This is great advice for kids, siblings, husband and wife and everyone!

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  4. I have that book and loved it! The thought of my grown kids being best friends is now a reality and I'm so thankful for God's grace all up in the middle of it. And not only my girls...but their men all get along too! My middle daughter got engaged on Thanksgiving and her fiance and my son-on-law are great friends too. I feel so blessed by that. My youngest is courting a young man that she feels is the one the Lord has chosen for her...so this weekend I had all three of my girls with all three of their men and it was so lovely.

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  5. You say "lucky" but I know you mean "blessed!" What a beautiful example of how God took something negative in your life and turned it into a multitude of blessings! You & your children have received a valuable gift. Blessings,

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  6. I have missed the blog for a few months, gosh I forgot how refreshing to hear your adventures, thoughts, and comments. Adorable pictures. Looking for some old ones to get caught up.

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  7. The single greatest benefit I got from public school (aside from my ag classes) was the Skills class we took in 7th grade. It taught us to make "I feel" statements and it's been a huge benefit to me! God bless you and yours mountain mama!

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